Suspenen el FIB i, en el seu lloc, organitzen una torrà de xulles

(Dj Pay, corresponsal a la Platja del Torreó / Alababarada News / Reuters).

Aquesta matinada, a un dia només que s’inicie el Festival de Benicàssim 2012, quan Noel Gallagher s’ha assabentat que l’empresa contractada per a retransmetre en directe el festival era la «viejuna» Terra, amb les seues càmeres de Super8, ha vomitat damunt de Dj Maadraassoo i ha provocat un curt circuit que ha botat foc a tot el Desert de les Palmes. No s’ha salvat ni el xalet de Rafa Blasco, el qual, justament indignat, ha exigit una indemnització per a l’ONG «Gambas sin Fronteras», que era de tal calibre que, automàticament, s’han fundit els ploms de tot Benicàssim i com a mínim d’una tercera part de Marina d’Or. Els organitzadors del FIB, astorats per l’import de la factura que pensaven cobrar-los el Blasco i la seua dona La Pelos, han enviat a fer la mà a tots els grups poppis que tenien confirmats i han contractat a Jaume Sisa perquè es passe tres dies tocant sense parar el «Qualsevol nit pot sortir el sol» a la llum dels metxeros dels assistents, que els ix més barat que avisar a l’electricista.

La Carpa Techno sí que funcionarà, alimentada pels grups electrògens dels venedors de bocates de xoriço del camí dels tarongers. Tot i això, David Guetta ha dit que allí punxarà la figa de sa tia la mora, perquè el fum de les botifarres li entra en els ulls i en el nas i es posa a tossir com un animal i no encerta en pegar-li al cross-fader ni de casualitat. Hi ha rumors que diuen que el FIB el substituirà per Deadmau5 que, com que porta una carota de cartó, no es veurà afectat per l’aroma de llonganissa torrefacta.

Maiquel_Nait, el famós dj de Campanar també conegut com a l'»Home-Festival» i corresponsal de la nostra web, ja es troba al recinte dels karts situat a la vora del festival, pegant voltes al circuit amb l’acreditació en la mà i un sac de xulles de llomello en la guantera. Si finalment s’obren les portes del FIB, Maiquel_Nait accelerarà el mini-kart i entrarà el primer fent una gimcana per darrere dels matorrals. El fum de la torrà de xulles es veurà des de la Patacona, afirmen meteoròlegs de prestigi.


1: recinte del festival
2: circuit de mini-karts
3: camí dels tarongers
4: trajecte probable de la gimcana de Maiquel_Nait

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