Querida Mercedes

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Querida Mercedes:

Aunque lógicamente lo ignore, usted y yo nos conocemos desde hace muchos años. Dudo que pueda encontrar mayor seguidor de su carrera periodística y personal. La recuerdo muy joven, como intrépida entrevistadora subida de tono y segura de sí misma. Cuánto ha aprendido Rita Barberá de su saber estar y convencer. No pienso darle las gracias.

Cierto es, que desde siempre se le vio el plumero. Aquellas entrevistas corales con sus personajes favoritos. Aquel Miguel Bosé disfrazado de filósofo, la Montserrat Caballé más divertida o un Terenci Moix como showman en buena forma, son inolvidables. Y sus guiños, sus agarradas de manos en el momento justo y su babilla complacida y complaciente, también. Tiene usted, querida Mercedes, la telegenia exacta, la que le permite ser impertinente y dulce al mismo tiempo, la técnica perfecta para hacer periodismo y espectáculo televisivo.
Digo tiene y quiero decir, tenía. Porque en los últimos años el personaje se ha tragado a la persona y su genio se ha vuelto de una repelencia que engorda de forma rápida y francamente, insostenible.

No importa si conduce uno de sus espacios de investigación (ya sabe, ese programa capaz de descubrir un delito hoy, y desvelarlo meses después por exigencias de programación, con todas sus víctimas siendo víctimas mientras tanto), o si presenta el Gran Hermano 15: usted siempre es la protagonista. Algo que, como periodista, resulta al menos sospechoso. No me negará, querida Milá, que un periodista que se convierte en el centro de la noticia, es una mierda de periodista con un ego muy muy gordo. Ese periodismo histriónico que le lleva a irrumpir a gritos, en casa de un presunto delincuente en plan justiciera superstar, le sale bordado. Lo reconozco.
Como bordadas le salen las galas de los últimos Gran Hermano. Esas donde es incapaz de disimular sus preferencias por ciertos concursantes, hasta el punto de vendernos un transexual calientapollas que parece sacada de un peliculón de Ozores, como ejemplo de libertad, modernidad y juventud emprendedora. O donde puede entrevistar a un concursante al que no soporta, y en un intento de hundirle y humillarle (algo muy sencillo en la mayoría de los casos), hundirse y humillarse usted misma, incapaz de hacer media pregunta interesante y cabreándose porque su víctima no sabe o no quiere seguirle el juego. Muy profesional.

¿Ha reparado usted, querida Mercedes, en que se ha convertido en Carmen Sevilla? Sí, sí, en la Carmen Sevilla torpe y confundida que tanta audiencia dio en su momento a la cadena amiga. Su exhibición de saltos de guión, torpezas y equivocaciones, deliberadas o no, numeritos de vestuario imposible o de peluquería lamentable, ocupan gran parte de las galas que conduce. Y eso sin contar las continuas referencias personales a amigas, compañeras o familiares, totalmente fuera de lugar, o el enésimo episodio del fallo técnico que además, ya huele.

Lo cierto es que funciona, su tontería funciona. Si no, ya hace tiempo que habría desaparecido y andaría de columnista en “Época”, o le habría salido un estúpido programa de viajes chorras en horario de madrugada. Por cierto, que estaría usted muy bien presentando un programita de esos nocturnos de billetes que caen y palabras cualquiera.

En fin, lo dicho: que el personaje se ha tragado a la persona. Por eso hoy me dirijo a usted con estas letras, surgidas desde la vergüenza que me provoca ese circo fácil y déspota que usted protagoniza, y la indignación que me produce que intente justificar lo injustificable, y dotar de intelectualidad y trascendencia hasta sus meadas bajo la ducha. Qué gran episodio profesional ese de la meada, por cierto, y qué gran pico de audiencia. Lástima que como no se escucha más que a sí misma, no observara la diferencia entre ir a mear a la ducha (que fue lo que realmente ocurrió), y mearse una mientras se ducha.
Exijo que en el próximo bajón de audiencia, se tire un pedo aburguesado y libre de humo, en directo. Usted es capaz de eso y mucho más, que para eso es usted la Milá.

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