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La letra con sangre entra

Ahora mismo decenas de policías andan corriendo tras adolescentes por las calles de Valencia. Policías armados con porras y bolas de goma, contra estudiantes de secundaria, cuyo gran delito ha sido manifestarse durante días por la falta de medios del insituto público en el que estudian, y por extensión, de los distintos IES que pueblan la ciudad. Bastante gráfico ha sido el documento del policía golpeando a una adolescente que vociferaba: “Escuela pública de calidad”

Si creíamos que el bochorno de ser de esta tierra había alcanzado el cénit tras la no-culpabilidad de Camps, y mira que ya estamos temblando ante lo que se siga sacando del caso Urdangarín y el tema del accidente de metro, esto por supuesto lo supera y con creces, ya que tanto el motivo de las protestas (precariedad educativa, recortes, falta de medios, falta de calefacción, por dios) como los medios para enfrentarse a ellas (en serio no había otra opción más que sacar la porra y el jarabe de palo?) como, anticipamos, las conclusiones (llegarán a algún sitio las reivindicaciones de los estudiantes? asumirá alguien la responsabilidad de las bochornosas imágenes que se verán en infinidad de televisiones de policías golpeando a chicos y chicas de 14 a 17 años?) son desde luego para emigrar a una isla desierta o construir un búnker antizombies y refugiarse allí hasta que algo o alguien termine con esto. A ser posible, zombies. O Godzilla.

Qué hacer? Pues, de primeras, hacer caso a Los Planetas, y decir bien alto: “Porque seremos cientos por cada uno de los vuestros”. Y apoyar a los chavales del IES Lluís Vives, por supuesto. Con un par.
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Paulita, me pones

La senyora Paula Sánchez de León (i Guardiola per part de mare, no veges tu com és de cruel l’autoodi) és l’actual Governadora Civil de València, “con mando en plasa” i amb un exèrcit de descerebrats a les seues ordres.

La senyora Paula Sánchez de León
(Paulita quan era menuda i anava a les dominiques) va vindre en aquesta mar de llàgrimes que senyoreja Cotino l’any 1965, essent coetània, doncs, tant de Cristina de Borbó (i Undargarin) com del gran Satoshi Tajiri, pare dels Pokémon (i per això se li ha quedat eixa cara, tot i que s’assemble més a un gremlin).

La senyora Paula Sánchez de León
(de los Sánchez de León de tota la vida) va ser ni més ni menys que la mà dreta i part de l’esquerra del no-culpable i Molt Honorable Senyor Don Francisco Enrique Camps y Ortiz, president que fou de la Generalitat Valenciana i Client Preferencial de Forever Young, nascut a Borbotó l’any 1962 i procedent del Poble Nou per part de pare i del Cabanyal per part de mare (tooooma!).

La senyora Paula Sánchez de León
(La Más Trepa de la Generalitat) ha fet una carrera espectacular sempre a l’ombra de Camps, de l’Opus i de la caverna pepera més rància, primer com a Consellera de Justícia i Administracions Públiques, després com a Portaveu del Consell i al remat com a Consellera de Presidència i Vicepresidenta del Consell. I ja es pensava que anava a ser Presidenta de la Generalitat quan al Tio dels Trages li va tocar fugir, però va tindre la mala sort, la pobreta, que Alberto “Muñeco Diabólico” Fabra li va passar al davant.

Mentrestant, però, la senyora Paula Sánchez de León i Guardiola va tindre temps de fer-ne de tots els colors, tal i com recullen totes les hemeroteques, tot i que la més sonada va ser la d’impulsar (a les ordres directes del seu Capo Camps) les multes milionàries a Acció Cultural del País Valencià per les emissions de TV3 i aconseguir que aquestes emissions s’acabaren, fotent a mig país que es va quedar sense poder saber com acabava Vent del pla.

Ara, catapultada cap al Sanedrí de Govern Civil, una mena de Junta Militar Pinotxetista (que no va deixar incòlume ni a Ricardo Peralta), es dedica a pegar a les xiquetes de catorze anys.


(fotos de les mobilitzacions d’estudiants robades del diari Levante)

Això a mi m’excita, per a què negar-ho. Ja sé que ho fa per porra interposada i que no és ella directament la que fa funcionar la tralla, però només imaginar-me-la vestida d’ama-dominanta i donant les ordres per a que escalfen els culets de les adolescents del Lluís Vives i que els diguen que no arriben ni a la categoria de putes… és que això, a mi, em supera!

Digueu-me calent, però és que tu, Paulita, a mí me pones.


Llevan casco y llevan porra
y tienen buenos modales,
pero arrean cada hostia
que parecen catedrales

Viruta, viruta,
qué gris tan hijoputaaa…

Si es por falta de trabajo,
vete con los emigrantes,
pero deja de arrear hostias
a obreros y estudiantes

Viruta, viruta,
qué gris tan hijoputaaa…

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Whitney Houston Manía

Llegamos tarde para dar la primicia de la muerte de Whitney Houston, pero es que nos pilló en mal momento, y tampoco nos dedicamos a dar cancha a todas las muertes, trágicas o no, que acontecen en el mundo musical. Simplemente reseñamos las que nos importan, las que nos fastidian y las que merecen un sentido homenaje de algún miembro de alababarada. Parece ser que la pobre Houston no fue santo de devoción de ninguno de los azulitos, y vamos, mucho menos mía, que la verdad es que puedo admitir y admito que tenía una voz prodigiosa y una presencia magnética, pero su música, desde el primero hasta el último gran éxito, me repelía a más no poder, con tanto gorgorito, tanto chorro de voz y tanta subida de medio tono en la última estrofa. Por no hablar de las letras y otras cosas.
Pero yo no estoy aquí para hablar de lo poco que me gustaba alguien que ha muerto, y además, como se dicen en estos casos, antes de tiempo. Tampoco estoy aquí para juzgarla ni a ella ni a los motivos y causas de su muerte, que, por otro lado, me da bastante pena.
Pero vamos, como siempre tras una muerte de este tipo, se suceden los homenajes de todo tipo. Los discos vuelven a la lista de ventas (con polémica porque se ha acusado a Sony de subir sus precios aprovechando la circunstancia) y se corean canciones y se vuelven a emitir videoclips que -por suerte- teníamos olvidados y requeteolvidados. De entre todos los homenajes, vengo a poner este, que es sin duda el más afín con la página.
Básicamente, yo venía aquí a poner este vídeo:
Imagen de previsualización de YouTube

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La Super Bowl, Chrysler i Mercadona

Arévalo és lo més valencià

Les xuminades de M.I.A. (multimilionària estrella electrònica, activista tamil i princesa consort de la Warner) durant l’espectacle de la Super Bowl d’Estats Units –ben secundades pels posteriors escarafalls de la lleona ferida Madonna–, han fet passar relativament desapercebut l’anunci emès pel fabricant d’automòbils Chrysler durant la famosa sèrie de publicitat d’aquest partit, que té fama mundial i que té una audiència superior a tot el que et pugues imaginar, “Gran Hermano” inclòs.

L’anunci de Chrysler (“It’s halftime in America”), protagonitzat pel gran Clint Eastwood, no va promocionar cap nova berlina ni cap pick-up de darrera generació, com hauria estat el més lògic. Ben al contrari, no es va centrar en cap model de cotxe sinó que ho va fer en posar el solfa la ciutat de Detroit, la meca de la indústria automobilística americana i el lloc on més s’han viscut tant el somni americà dels anys cinquanta i seixanta com, des de la dècada dels setanta i la primera crisi del petroli, la més gran de les depressions. Paradigma del que ha passat a moltes ciutats dels USA, Detroit s’ha enfonsat en la més llòbrega de les misèries i malda ara per ressuscitar de les seues pròpies cendres. I això és el que han volgut constatar i animar tant la casa Chrysler com l’actor de “Harry el sucio”, malgrat que els dólars que estan intentant tornar a posar en òrbita la principal ciutat de Michigan i amb ella la indústria de l’automòbil, provenen precisament de la política inversionista del president Obama, la bèstia negra de republicans i banquers en general i, fins i tot, del propi Clint Eastwood.

Aquesta injecció de moral per a una de les ciutats més castigades per totes les crisis és un exercici democràtic i solidari de primera magnitud. Val que a Chrysler li interesse que Detroit s’arregle i que funcione bé per a poder reprendre la fabricació i la venda de cotxes. És el capitalisme, és clar, però no deixa de ser una mostra d’integració empresarial en el teixit territorial, d’agraïment a la labor feta i a la que es pot fer i de reconeixement de la necessitat de comptar amb una base humana ferma i decidida per a poder sobreviure.

És per això, vist l’exemple americà, que li proposem a Mercadona que, en un esclat d’imaginació absolutament fantàstic, programe un bon anunci televisiu per a la Nit de la Cremà on reivindique no els seus productes “Hacendaño”, sinó l’autèntica idiosincràsia del País Valencià, el seu esperit emprenedor, alegre i ditxaratxero, que en realitat no té res a veure amb la corrupció, el malbaratament, la imbecilitat i el llatrocini que ens atenalla. Seria genial poder tancar-los la boca d’una vegada a tots els envejosos (de la resta de l’Estat, de tot Europa i fins i tot dels confins del Sistema Solar) que ens acusen de corruptes, da balafiadors, de malversadors, de violadors de falleretes i de tot el que et pugues imaginar (i el pitjor és que ens ho diuen ara, com si fórem idiotes i no ens n’haguérem adonat del percal el mateix dia que Saplana es va apalancar a la poltrona i va manar que li feren un jacuzzi al despatx de la Generalitat…).

Desgraciadament, coneixent el panyo, el més segur és que, cas de fer aquest improbable exercici de política empresarial, en lloc d’un personatge emblemàtic com és Clint Eastwood, el sr. Juan Roig contractarà per a l’anunci al tarambana d’Arévalo.

És el que sol passar per ací. Millor ens callem i ho deixem estar…

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La monja heterodoxa

Jo no vull ser mal pensat ni creure que pel fet que el PP estiga al govern hagen tornat a posar a Urdaci al front dels informatius i que ara es dediquen a la desinformació més descarada, però el cert és que fa uns segons –i en una única notícia que només ha durat tres o quatre minuts– he vist dues barbaritats tan grosses que em fan pensar el pitjor. I no es tractava de política, sinó de meteorologia, però ja veuràs que, al remat, també és una qüestió política.


Placa commemorativa d’una nevada collonuda a Alcoi: dos metres i un pam

Era ni més ni menys que en el (fins ara) prestigiós telenotícies de La 2 i estaven parlant de l’onada de fred siberià que ens acaba d’entrar. Després de comentar les grans nevades que hi ha hagut a diverses zones de la Península Ibèrica com podien ser Àvila i altres llocs habitualment de clima polar (incloent-hi, aixó sí, la costa catalana, on avui ha nevat a base de bé), van i solten que “lo más raro es que ha nevado también en Alcoy (Alicante)”.

Jo estic molt content que hagen parlat d’Alcoi, entre altres coses perquè avui he estat allí i he vist amb goig com de blanques estaven la Font Roja i la Mariola, però, senyors, ni que Alcoi es trobara situat a la selva tropical de Colòmbia i allí es quedaren tan flipats de veure la neu com el gel a Macondo!!. Facen el favor, periodistutxos de La 2: que Alcoi està a 562 metres sobre el nivell del mar, que normalment neva diverses vegades a l’any (amb onada siberiana o sense) i allí en hivern fa un fretorro que talla la pell del pixorro!! No em vinguen amb xuminades, que els alcoians cada any crien prunyons com a perellons.

No contents amb això, després van i connecten amb l’Europa de l’Est (on han mort de fred cent i la mare) i trauen des de Sèrbia les declaracions d’una “monja heterodoxa”. Així ho han subtitulat, literalment, ho jure: “monja heterodoxa serbia”. Ja sé que els serbis són a hores d’ara els pàries d’Europa, però no cal que també els penalitzem l’ortodòxia de la religió, que ja hi va haver prou amb els bombardejaments de l’OTAN.

Talles el pressupost, tires als periodistes professionals i deixes la redacció de les notícies en mans d’un que passava per allí i que no sap ni fer la “o” amb un canut. Barat, però inútil. I el prestigi durament guanyat durant anys de grans esforços se’n va pel forat del retrete com si fora pixum.


(a Alcoi no neva, diuen, però el més bovo apanya rellotges)

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La porra de Florida

Newt Gingrich el Follaoret


Dj Pay (corresponsal, Charleston, South Carolina)
.
Assegut a la veranda de The Blind Tiger Pub (l’únic garito que separa l’Església de l’Estat, jur jur) i amb la taula plena d’un festival de bloodymarys, demane disculpes a la concurrència per no haver convocat la promesa “Porra de South Carolina”, però aquest corresponsal ha tingut uns dies molt atrafegats anant de la Southend Brewery a la Moe’s Tavern de Cumberland Street i d’allí a fer el gamba en una bachelorette al Mad River Bar i torna a començar… Molt atrafegat, efectivament, però sempre recollint rumors sobre les primàries republicanes que s’han celebrat aquest dissabte, és clar!

Ara, segons que informa el “Post and Courier” que està llegint un veí de taula, i si els meus ulls no m’enganyen per la boira provocada per la darrera Rockers, va i resulta que s’ha confirmat el canvi de tendència que es veia vindre a les enquestes d’aquests darrers dies i Gingrich el Follaoret ha superat l’esquiu Mitt Romney amb vora 75.000 vots. El nostre candidat preferit, el Beato Santorum, ha quedat el tercer en la batalla, molt per darrere en nombre de vots. Això sí, segons que bramen els assedegats republicans que m’acompanyen, el volen com a candidat a vicepresident de Gingrich per al ticket republicà en les eleccions del 6 de novembre. La combinació del Follaoret amb el Beato pot ser explosiva!

Per tant, les coses estan més que interessants de cara a la nova cita, les primàries de Florida, que tindran lloc el proper 31 de gener. Tot ha canviat i a partir d’ara no es podran oblidar múltiples condicionants que van des de l’energia inesgotable que està demostrant el Follaoret (com bé pot confirmar la seua callista), els atacs d’aquest contra els mitjans de comunicació i com li la pensen tornar, les armes que utilitze Romney contra Gingrich (i saber si li tirarà a la cara una vegada més el cas Lewinsky per acusar-lo d’hipòcrita), la fortuna de Romney amagada a les Cayman, la reacció del Tea Party i dels fonamentalistes contra uns i altres, el posicionament de la comunitat hispana de Florida, etc. etc.

Jo, que veig massa variables i que la ressaca m’impedeix de pensar amb lucidesa, crec que ha arribat l’hora d’anar a fer-me un fried alligator a The Poogan’s Porch per veure si recupere les forces. Que l’ànima del simpàtic gosset Poogan lladre per sempre a la lluna i el palmeto!!

Demà partirem cap a Florida, concretament al primer poble que ens trobarem només entrar a The Sunshine State, Fernandina Beach, també conegut com “Isle of 8 Flags” per les moltes banderes nacionals que han onejat sobre la ciutat i que, realment, en són moltes més de vuit i que l’erigeixen en el poble d’Estats Units que més vegades ha canviat de mans des del segle XVI: França, Espanya, Gran Bretanya, una altra vegada Espanya, els patriotes d’Amelia Island, una tercera vegada Espanya, la Green Cross de Florida (amb l’inefable Gregor MacGregor), Mèxic, els Confederats i, finalment, la Unió.

Naturalment, s’anomena “Fernandina” en honor del fill de puta de Ferran VIIé i la plaça principal de la part històrica es diu San Carlos, en referència al cabró de son pare.

LA PORRA
Com ja ve sent habitual, premiarem a qui endevine els resultats de les primàries de Florida. La meua aposta és aquesta:
1.- Rick Santorum (digueu-me imbècil per reincident, però no vaig a trair-lo ara!)
2.- El Follaoret
3.- Mitt “evasió d’impostos” Romney

Participa en els comentaris i guanya UN CUIXOT

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La porra de New Hampshire

Tot sembla indicar que Mitt Romney serà el guanyador en les primàries de New Hampshire el proper dimarts 10 de gener, segona cita en la carrera de designació del candidat del Partit Republicà per a les eleccions presidencials dels USA de novembre de 2012. I més després del recolzament públic que li ha oferit -per a començar- John McCain i precisament des de Manchester, a New Hampshire.

Mitt Romney, després de l’experiència que ja va tindre en els caucus d’Iowa del 2008, i sabent com se les gasta l’extremadament conservadora societat rural d’aquell estat, ha preferit enguany fer una campanya molt localitzada en zones i col·lectius que ja sabia que li serien proclius, fet que li ha permès traure aproximadament els mateixos vots que en aquella ocasió però guanyar ara gràcies a la gran fragmentació del vot republicà entre tots els altres candidats il·luminats. A més, en aquest tipus de campanya no s’ha gastat ni un duro i ara té les butxaques plenes per afrontar una cita molt més fàcil i important per a ell com és la de New Hampshire. Una campanya intel·ligent, pròpia d’una mentalitat empresarial i tecnòcrata com és la seua. El problema (greu) que té és que no acaba de connectar amb l’ànima republicana actual, excessivament lastrada pel Tea Party.

Pel seu costat, el candidat oficial d’Alababarada, el Beato Santorum, que ha resultat pràcticament empatat amb Romney, s’ha deixat, però, la pell i la cartera a Iowa per a poder destacar de la resta dels candidats tocacampanes, Ron Paul, Rick Perry i Michelle Bachmann.

De cara al futur immediat, desgraciadament, la boja Bachmann ha anunciat ja la seua retirada (fet que de segur farà més avorrida la campanya). Per un altre costat, mentre que la resta de candidats han aterrat ja a “The Granite State”, el tio Perry ha preferit dirigir-se cap a Carolina del Sud, on, per la gran implantació de l’evangelisme entre els seus votants, té moltes més possibilitats de cara als caucus de South Carolina, que se celebraran el 21 de gener (i tornarem a fer una altra porra).

Les úniques incògnites que li queden a Romney a New Hampshire, doncs, són els resultats que puguen obtenir Jon Huntsman (molt pobres, segons totes les enquestes) i sobretot Newt Gingrich, l’únic que sembla que li pot fer alguna ombra.

LA PORRA

Vist tot el que s’ha explicat, animem els nostres lectors a pronunciar-se (en els comentaris) sobre els resultats que obtindrà el Beato Santorum: en quin lloc quedarà a les primàries de New Hampshire? quedarà el segon? quedarà el tercer? per davant o per darrere de Gingrich?

Jo, per a mullar-me (i digueu-me inconscient) vote perquè el Beato Santorum serà el GUANYADOR. Endavant Santorum!! Totus Tuus!!

Entre els qui ho encerten, Alababarada sortejarà un POLLASTRE.


ACTUALITZACIÓ A 11 DE GENER

Tal i com va analitzar Alababarada, la victòria de Mitt Romney ha estat clara i contundent. Llàstima del mal lloc on ha quedat el nostre amic el Beato Santorum.
Però Maiquel Nait no ha guanyat el pollastre, malgrat que el reclama als comentaris, ja que el que preguntàvem era en quin lloc quedaria Santorum (això de Romney estava cantat). El concurs, una vegada més, ha quedat desert, però en convocarem un altre quan ens trobem a Charleston, per a les ja decisives primàries de South Carolina.

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